Lessons Learned and Love Grown: A Retrospective on Our Early Marriage

Fourteen and a half years have come and gone! Time has flown by and as I sit here today I am brought to tears at how our Saviour has made a way. Through the hills and valleys, He has ALWAYS been there. When I couldn't believe we were buying our first fixer upper and I SWORE we would never get it done, He was there. When we welcomed our first baby girl into the world through an unexpected cesarean, He was there. When my maternal grandfather passed away unexpectedly from a massive heart attack, He was there. When babies 2, 3, and 4 were born, He was there. Through more grandparent deaths, more houses built, and a flooring business that was always changing, He was ALWAYS there! All the years I struggled with my salvation and whether or not I had done all the "right things", He was there. I had, unknowingly at the time, not yet surrendered my life to Him during all these seasons but looking back, I see that His hand was all over my life.

Then came the COVID-19 era. Things around the home slowed down even though Jesse was still able to work. in April/Mayish I remember him coming home and telling me that I needed to listen to Paul Washer's wife testimony. As I said above, I had struggled with questioning if the Lord had really done a work in my life when I was in the 6th grade. I decided to give it a listen and something resonated with me as I listened to her share what the Lord had done in her life. I grew up in church. I knew all the right things to say. I wasn't a "bad kid". But everytime people would ask me what had changed in my life, I could never give an answer.

As the Lord began to work on me more and Jesse and I had more conversations, Jesse called me one day and told me he was going to fast and pray until the Lord revealed to me whether I was lost or saved. I agreed to do the same. I was sick of worrying about it day after day. I was never at peace and always left wondering. I finally came to grips that pride was standing between me and living a life fully surrendered to Christ. In that moment, of me lying on my bedroom floor, I told Jesus that my life was His. I was done trying to figure it out on my own and that I was going to trust in Him whatever that looked like. I didn't understand then what that would look like in the months to come, but for the first time I stood up with a peace that I could not explain.

In the days to follow, the Lord began to show me areas in my life that needed to change (remember above how I said that in the past I couldn't tell anyone how my life had changed) and this brought me great assurance that the Lord had done a work in my heart. He was revealing to me that my heart was full of bitterness, towards my husband and others. It was hard to go to them to ask for forgiveness but I knew this was what the Lord had commanded me to do. There was such a burden lifted when I did this. Little did I know that bitterness was my achilles heel and that it would become a daily battle to give over to the Lord.

After our fourth child I thought we were done...but the Lord had other plans. In October of 2020 we found out we were expecting. We were trying to not get pregnant but apparently there was a "malfunction" somewhere along the line :/ And since this blog is full transparency, I will say that there was a lot of hurt after having our 4th. Feelings of abandonment from Jesse. Like he would rather be at work or a Bible study rather than at home with us. Looking back now, I know this was satan trying to steal, kill, and destroy our home, but at the time it didn't take away the pain. When I took the pregnancy test in the Kohl's bathroom all of those feelings came rushing back. This time I knew I had hope and a peace that I didn't have with the others and I know it was my new life in Christ. It was crazy to see how much Jesse and I had both grown since our 4th as helpmates and for that I couldn't be more thankful.

I have so much more to share about this season of our life and all the ways God still showed up and worked on me in ways I never would have dreamed. But for now, I have to get ready to go pick up my kiddos from school!

If you have questions about my story or about how you want to surrender your life to Jesus Christ, PLEASE do not hesitate to reach out through the form below! It is certainly a life worth living and I wouldn't want you to miss out!! Until next time, I pray the Lord blesses you and keeps you, and all that you do, be done FOR HIS GLORY!!

xoxo, Kayla